Promotion

 The cashier in the office canteen looked at her screen, then at my identity card, then at me with a mixture of surprise, puzzlement and horror, then her expression went blank, hiding her emotions.

"I am so sorry, Comrade Chi, but you have a Class 6 coffee, and I am required to provide you with Class 1 coffee. You may, of course, take the Class 6, but may I provide you with Class 1?"

It was my turn to be surprised, puzzled and horrified. In theory, all coffee was equal, but I was aware that only senior Party members would be eligible for something called "Class 1 coffee".

"Sure", I said, beginning to suspect that I was the object of a prank arranged by my colleagues.

The cashier went over to her supervisor, talked animatedly to her, pointed at me, saw me looking, and fled with her through the door at the back of the canteen staff area. After a few minutes, when a considerable queue had built up behind me, the supervisor returned with a coffee in an expensive-looking, large mug.

"So sorry for the delay, Comrade Chi," she said. "Please enjoy your coffee in good health."

I thanked her and went to sit with my usual breaktime companions. I tried to discuss the matter of the coffee with them, but they were nervous and changed the subject.

                                                                              *

After work, I went straight home and discovered that all my belongings had been stolen. There was a stranger in my empty living/bedroom, a man who looked as if he was used to violence, a cop or a professional criminal.

"Sorry to startle you, Comrade Chi," he said. "I am Ho Phang of the Housing Office. You have been given new accommodation. Your belongings have been moved there. May I take you there now?"

I wondered what I had done wrong. I had always tried to keep my head down, not be noticed, be a good citizen. Now I would be interrogated, sent to a reeducation camp, or murdered.

"Sure," I said, adopting the same expression as the canteen cashier.

                                                                             *

My new home was a huge, detached house in extensive grounds, protected by high walls and an electronic gate. Ho Phang left me with a middle-aged woman who claimed to be my housekeeper. The place was luxurious, best of everything, with all my old possessions in a small room in a remote part of the house. They were cheap and out of place in their new surroundings. I concluded that I was the subject of a psychological experiment, and that my jailers or executioners would come for me sooner or later.

The following morning, my chauffeur took me to my new office, high up in a tower block in a part of the city I had never been to before. Like my new house, it was huge and luxurious. I sat at my enormous, genuine wood desk with nothing to do, except surf the web, not really taking in what I was looking at.

Just after she had brought me my mid-morning Class 1 coffee, my secretary entered the room with a grey-haired gentleman in a suit and introduced him as Hai Doe. The fact that he had grey hair meant that he must be very high up in the Party. Office men had to impress their superiors with their youthful vigor, so dyed their hair. Grey hair was a luxury. Grey-haired people were either so high or so low that they had no motivation to impress anybody.

                                                                             *

"Comrade Chi, You are here because of a case of mistaken identity. One of your neighbours reported you as a threat to stability, so we arrested you. But the person arrested was not you, but another Chi Hue, a senior Party member, something of a drunk and in the wrong place at the wrong time. He reacted so badly to his arrest, or rather your arrest, that a police officer executed him on the spot. That police officer has now been suitably dealt with. Your neighbor was deemed a liar and has also been terminated.

"This happened on my watch, so I am responsible, and might face unfortunate consequences. To avoid such a thing, I need another Chi Hue to replace the one so unfortunately destroyed. You are that Chi Hue. You will live in his house and go to his office every day. All important decisions will be routed around you. You will sign the occasional document and take part in occasional meeting, during which you will say the absolute minimum. Are you agreeable to this arrangement?"

"Sure," I said, trying to look agreeable, not terrified.

                                                                        *

I no longer see any of my old friends, and my relatives treat me with polite, almost servile suspicion, but I do have a new wife. She threw herself at me the same day as my promotion, and talked me into a quick marriage. She is probably a government agent, but I have gone from a life of near celibacy to one of frequent, enthusiastic sexual activity. I have the largest television available, an indoor swimming pool, an outdoor swimming pool, and servants. I take holidays to places I never thought I would see.

But am I happy? Sort of. My life most likely depends on the fortunes of Hai Doe. If misfortune befalls him, I will probably find myself either in a reeducation camp or dead. Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown, even the fake crown.